never have i ever
by ARandomFangirler
Summary: 'It has been five years, and he has never stopped loving her, and they must know, they all must know, and yet none of them have said a thing.' [drabble, kaoru pov]


"For old times' sake," Kyoya says, raising his glass of straight gin. His mouth is twisted into a wry little smile, one filled with hidden meaning. The former members of Ouran High School Host Club - bar Suoh Tamaki and Fujioka Haruhi - raise their glasses in time, and Kaoru gulps his drink down whole. Next to him, Hikaru is motioning for another bottle of champagne. This is a celebration, after all, Kaoru thinks bitterly.

"For old times' sake," they all echo, and it sounds weak even to Kaoru's ears.

Honey is the only one of them who seems genuinely pleased about this wedding. Then again, Honey is the only one with a date. Kaoru has never gotten over Haruhi (and how could he, for whenever she sees him she gives him that smile of hers, so sad, so full of maybes) and nor has his twin, and from the looks of it, neither have Mori or Kyoya. Whether or not Mori ever loved Haruhi the same way Kaoru does is debatable, but when one hardly speaks, it is too easy to read their face instead.

And Kaoru had never thought of Kyoya to be capable of love at all, and yet.

"Let's play a drinking game," Hikaru suggests. This is a bad idea, with the wedding of the century tomorrow - the media's words, certainly not Kaoru's - but the rest of their sad little party doesn't protest. Kyoya brings out a large bottle of some obscure spirit, and places it in the middle of their table.

"I've been saving this for a special occasion," he tells them, and Kaoru thinks he's going to laugh, or cry, or both. "No time like the present, I suppose."

"Alright," Hikaru says, steadying himself. Kaoru knows Hikaru still loves Haruhi. But whether Hikaru knows Kaoru does - well. It's no use dwelling on things like that. "In honour of the bride. Never have I ever had a crush on Fujioka Haruhi."

Hikaru fills his shot glass immediately, and Kaoru follows him. Kyoya's mouth twitches as he fills his own glass, and Mori pauses for a moment before reaching for the bottle himself. Honey is the only one with an empty glass.

"Trying to get us all drunk, are you?" Kaoru ribs, and his twin smirks at him. It is only a little empty to the eye. "My turn. Never have I ever wanted to punch Tamaki."

"Now who's trying to get us all drunk?" Hikaru groans, reaching for the bottle once more. This time, everyone drinks.

It is Kyoya's turn next. He takes off his glasses, lays them next to his glass, and thinks. "Never have I ever believed Haruhi would be best suited to someone else."

There is an audible pause. Kyoya fills his own glass first, and offers the bottle. Mori takes it. His eyes are very hard. Before he drinks, he says, "You can't own another person. It doesn't work like that."

The twins, of all people, know that the most. Hikaru snorts. "I've already learned that lesson," he announces, and reaches for the bottle. His auburn roots are beginning to show through his light brown hair dye, and Kaoru wonders if he's ever going to get it freshly done. "But it's a shitty fucking lesson, and if we're all honest, none of us really thought that he deserved her, did we?"

Kyoya laughs as Kaoru, too, drinks. It feels shameful. "And yet none of us will tell her," he says, and Kaoru thinks, _I tried, once._ Even Honey looks a little unhappy, and Kaoru wonders if he'll drink, too.

It has been five years since Kaoru fell in love with Haruhi. It has been five years, and four years since he stepped aside for his brother to take his place, and three years since Haruhi refused them both and took Tamaki instead. Except she didn't really refuse Kaoru, did she? He took himself out of the running before the race even truly began. Kyoya has hinted to him, more than once, that perhaps Haruhi had loved him back - and Kaoru knows, somehow, that she did. Still does deep down, maybe. He has always thought that joining the Host Club was a mistake, in the end.

It has been five years, and he has never stopped loving her, and they must know, they all must know, and yet none of them have said a thing.

"One last question," Mori says. Kaoru thinks that maybe he's crying. He can't find it in himself to care. "Never have I ever told her how I felt."

Kaoru drinks. He is the only one. "I loved her," he says. "I loved her, and she loved me, and none of it mattered in the end."


End file.
